WE DECIDED TO SLEEP TRAIN OUR BABY AND THIS IS HOW IT WENT

You’d think someone who is used to waking up at 3am for work, would be able to handle night wakings with their baby better than most.  While that may have been true for a couple weeks after 5 months without a night of uninterrupted sleep I found myself in the depths of sleep deprivation.  It’s a scary place — the brain fog, the irritability, the exhaustion.  It all piles up and for myself I know that I didn’t have the energy to be the best mom I could be for Hugo and this broke my heart.  My husband and I needed to make a change and while I’d heard wonders about sleep training I was really apprehensive.  Sure it works for other babies, but mine?  I seriously doubted the process and while I was nervous about how effective it would be for our 5 month old, two nights after we started sleep training I found myself giving my head a shake…why didn’t we do this sooner?  It was like buying what you thought was the base model and finding out that you actually got the latest version with all the bells and whistles.  Yes, we had to jump through a few hoops to get there — but my baby came with extra features that I didn’t know existed!

I realize sleep training isn’t for everyone and I completely respect that.  Simply put, it is heartbreaking to listen to your baby cry.  I am in no way suggesting you need to go down this path — instead I am offering my story for those who might be curious about the process or are considering sleep training.  I should add that this post will not teach you how to sleep train your child; rather my intention is to offer you a glimpse into how it went for us. 

Life Before Sleep Training

A little background before I break down how sleep training went for us.  Our routine with Hugo for months was pretty simple.  We’d watch for his tired and sleepy cues which were normally fussing, rubbing his eyes and yawning.  For naps we’d take him into our room, put on the white noise machine and then bounce him to sleep in our arms on a large exercise ball.  Once he was out — we’d ever so gently place him down and tip toe away…hoping he’d stay asleep.  Our bedtime routine started with a bath, pajamas, then I would nurse Hugo before turning on the white noise machine and bouncing him to sleep.  Hugo slept in a bassinet in our bedroom until he was about 4 months old.  Once he outgrew it we moved his crib into our bedroom and had him continue sleeping in our room.  We moved his crib back into his nursery and didn’t have him sleep in his room on his own until our first night of sleep training.  

Hugo was a pretty good sleeper until he was about 4.5 months old — sometimes sleeping in 6 to 8 hour stretches overnight and waking up for one or two feeds.  We were using a combination of bouncing and rocking him to sleep and it was tiring, especially since Hugo is a pretty big boy.  We swaddled him until about 4-months-old and we were able to transition him to a sleep sack with minimal impact.  I was beginning to think the so-called 4-month sleep regression was something that our dear Hugo was just going to skip…boy was I wrong.  It hit us with a vengeance.  It started with extra fussing after he woke up for a feed and got progressively worse.  The kid just did not want us to put him down.  We’d bounce him to sleep and put him down — just to have him wakeup again after a couple minutes.  One night we went through this cycle about 10 times, and after two hours we finally got him to stay asleep for a couple hours.  He would wake up and we’d start all over again.  It was the same situation for naps. This went on day after day and what resulted was a very tired dad and a mom on the verge of tears, longing for just a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.   Enough was enough, Chris and I decided we needed professional help. 

Sleep training

While there are many ways to sleep train your baby, we decided to hire sleep coach Amanda Archibald, who came highly recommended to us.  I was at a point where I just wanted someone to analyze our situation and tell us exactly what we needed to do and she totally delivered. 

The sleep training process started with a virtual consultation where we showed Amanda Hugo’s sleep space and detailed our routine.  She gave us a few homework items before we started the process where we’d ask Hugo to sleep independently. This included changing our bedtime routine to begin with a feed and then his bath to ensure Hugo was getting a full feed before bed.  The other big homework item for us was to lengthen Hugo’s awake windows to 2 hours or longer and only give him three naps in a day. Previous to this Hugo was wanting to go to sleep after 90 minutes and taking 4-5 naps a day.  We worked on this for about 4 days, still bouncing him to sleep in our room before we decided to tackle the full process.  I think this homework period was crucial for Hugo’s success and provided a gentle transition. 

As for the actual sleep training process I would say the method we used was most comparable to the Ferber method.  Our instructions were to place him in his crib after our bedtime routine, kiss him goodnight, turn out the lights and leave the room.  After 5 minutes of consecutive crying we were to go in and comfort him in his crib for up to one minute without picking him up.  If he started crying again once we left the room we would reset the timer for another 5 minutes, repeating this process until he was asleep.  If he stopped crying, this also meant resetting the timer.  If he cried for 45 minutes straight we could go in and do a reset, where we’d pick him up and let him calm down before starting the whole process again.  For wakings during the night we decided that if Hugo woke up before midnight we’d go back to the 5min timer method.  If he woke after midnight we were instructed to feed and burp him, change his diaper after the feed and then put him back in his crib to fall asleep on his own. 

We moved Hugo’s crib into his nursery and decided we’d begin the process on a Friday night — hoping that by the end of the weekend we would see some results.  I nervously looked at my husband as we got ready for bedtime that first night and I said “just remember, by this time next week we’ll all be sleeping.” Lucky for us we didn’t have to wait a week and saw results much quicker than we anticipated. 

Night One

Night Two 

Night Three 

Bedtime Routine

Nap Routine

So there you have it — on his second night Hugo slept ten hours straight.  I was in a state of disbelief on that Sunday morning when I realized we all slept through the night.  I kept asking Chris what time it was after Hugo woke up at 6:15am.  It took me several groggy minutes to comprehend that he’d actually slept through the night without waking up. We didn’t anticipate to see success so quickly, but boy was it rewarding.  It’s been nearly three weeks since we started sleep training and we’ve even squeezed in a trip to the island where Hugo had to adjust to a new sleep space — and while he has woken up a handful of times for overnight feeds I am so happy to report that most nights he is sleeping 10-11 hours straight without waking.  This has resulted in a happier baby and better rested parents.  We are still working on getting Hugo to lengthen his naps, but after stretching his awake windows to two hours or longer, I am happy that we have been able to get him down to 3 naps a day and follow a pretty consistent bedtime.  

If I could offer one tip to parents who are thinking about sleep training it would be this — wait until your child is completely exhausted before you attempt to put them down to sleep.  This goes for bedtime and for naps.  In the first few days we were following the clock instead of our babies cues and were met with extra resistance and crying.  When he adjusted this to follow Hugo’s cues we realized he needed to be awake longer in between naps and before bedtime.  

When we started the process I was really nervous, but I shouldn’t have been.  Sure it was tough to listen to Hugo cry, but it was better than spending hours on end trying to rock him to sleep and then have him wake up.  I should have given Hugo more credit because I learned my baby is capable of so much more than I imagined.  Consistency really is key.  Whether you are following step-by-step instructions from a book or manual, or if you choose to use a professional, make sure you stick to the plan.  There were times when I wanted to cut corners, or just pick Hugo up because it hurt my heart to listen to him cry, but in those moments I would remind myself of the end goal — better sleep for the whole family.  When I think back to the mental state I was in a month ago, I know we made the right choice.  I think the biggest benefits other than a better rested family is that I feel much more alert and attentive during his awake periods and can give him better undivided attention.  In other words, I feel human again! If you are embarking on this journey pack your patience, but know that it will be worth it in the long run. I wish you and your family speedy success and sweet dreams!